Orange Wednesdays

Before some smart aleck points out that this entry title is not referring to two words I would like to add that 'THE' is a definitive article, used to specify or empathise a noun. Suck on that.

Everyone's watched the best part of a tenner slip down the drain. I am referring to, a bad movie.

I unfortunately was exposed to one so poor in quality, but thankfully quantity as it was only 90 minutes (I crossed myself when I knew it was over, and I'm not even a Christian).

I am appalled, dismayed, disgusted and many other words in that vernacular and beginning with 'D' about this shameful excuse for entertainment that dared to assault my eyes and ears this evening.

It is crass beyond compare. If you read my blog, I do tend to use foul language. I have toned myself down, online and in person, because as my French teacher told me when I was 15, I was extremely unladylike. And also because I'm not 15, and I'm not fat, angry with a monobrow anymore. I quote vaguely from the film, I kid you not:

Gerard Butler's character (I paid that much attention to it):"Eat the hot dog slowly, guys like to see women eating penis-shaped food."

Who writes this shit? A 48 year old obese inbred Alabama native with a lazy eye, gout in his right foot and an atrophied testicle?

I was covering my ears because although I enjoy the sex and bad words in films, it's only it's its necessary or integral to whatever vague storyline the film's running. For example, Halle Berry's breasts in Swordfish, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. And yeah it was literally that exciting, as the image, except her nipples are not in it. And I don't want to link to Halle Berry's nipples to my blog, thanks.

OMG SPOILER WARNING. Ok whatever, basically Butler's dude is some over-sexed charming lothario who thinks all men think with their peckers and love doesn't exist (yawn), Heigl, who is a class A bitch, I thought I'd just throw in, is the neurotic, control freak woman whose biological clock is TICKING DOWN TO ITS DOOM. How incredibly fucking cliche.

Turns out Butler's a chauvunistic cunt because he got dicked over by several women (BOO HOO) and thinks all women are out to get him and Heigl is 'taught' to suppress all her natural urges to get the guy. Oh guess what, they fall in LURVE. How? I have no idea. This just gives some girls false hope, 'ALL THEY NEED IS THE LOVE OF A GOOD WOMAN TO CHANGE.'

NO

That is it. There's a lot of (unnecessary) swearing, really crude and crass sexual references including but not limited to phallic objects and bean-flicking. There is a scene where a kid gets hold of her vibrator remote and makes her come at the dinner table. At a corporate dinner. That has gone onto so many levels of wrong, my head was running through Bible verses, Quran su'rahs and excerpts from Dianetics.

There is no storyline, men are whores, women are desperate yada yada yada. That is the ugly truth.

NO HOLLYWOOD, THAT IS A STEREOTYPE. I don't have a penis, but I was quite offended by how men were painted. Like sex-crazed neanderthals, neanderthals they may be, sex-crazed I hope not. By sex-crazed I mean rapist tendencies, which there is a very (unfunny) reference to in the film.

Entertainment has sunk so low. Oscar Wilde, your raging homosexuality is all forgiven. I never had a problem with it, but that is why all your creative impulses were suppressed.

Oh and Orange Wednesdays are great, best reason to have an extra Orange sim lurking around. They also sort you out with dinner as well. Win