Tramp Stamps

I'm sure this is not what Jesus had in mind.

FREE UNDERWEAR

The sweetest two words in the English language.

Kevin Morosky

I have been duly mentioned on another's blog and I feel truly honoured. In all honesty Mr Morosky, I hated myself when I was 17. I was just like you ;)

Not much has changed except now I know not to wear my heart on my sleeve, except just because I know doesn't mean I do it. :)

I'm just as soppy as you, except I learnt the hard way, like everyone else to be honest. I see many great examples of love around me, and I am truly blessed as such to know love. However I don't believe that love is for me.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in love, I have a lot of love in my heart for my friends, my family, and my esper mandem (and Kate too :) I love my work, which is I think an amazing achievement, considering how many people go through their lives wanting to die a little more every working day. I think love can damage a lot more than it can heal sometimes. And vice versa.

I agree with Mr Brown :p, my issue with Bellend is that she never displays enough of the other kind of love, for her daddy or her friends. She's obsessed with this guy who wants to eat her (I really wish he did). I worry about the message that little girls are getting. You should love oneself too, you can't base your happiness on another person.

I got a love for a certain Mr Morosky, who I've never met, but is 27 and is a Twihard. :)

God this is an emo post.

Much Delayed

Hello friends! I do apologise to the 3 people who read this blog, although apparently I have more, when meeting up with people I haven't seen for a while, they mention things I have written on my bloggings. Bless.

What have I been up to... being a general nifty person. LFW press, more press events, lots of writing, lots of sending frantic emails to Marc...

Life is going well. I had so many couplets of words in my brainz and they're all gone for some reason! I shall endeavour to remember.

Friendly Fires

Best White Boy Dancing EVER.

Fashion Show

I remember styling 16 people, and having no help.

Sheesh. I got mad skills then.

Yeah I got a Polaroid.

I'M BAAAACK

YO YO MAH HOES GUESS WHO'S BACK!

Not just Jay Z, but I. Returned from my sojourn in NY (fortnight) not long enough. Will have to start making concrete plans to move over there. Decisions decisions.

Still jetlagged, but it is nice to be back where people don't speak American. I miss air conditioning on the subway though.

I've always noticed when people are in a good mood, people always question them like 'Why are you in a good mood? Everything's shit.' It is sooooooooo much easier to spread a bad mood around than a good mood. Why is that?

I am now refreshed enough to re-evaluate my pessimism. A little bit is good, but not too much. Positive feelinz must be maintained.

And it was sunny today in London, yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay.

Also never fly with Virgin, they suck. Shit food, reduced legroom, and fat bastards who sit next to you and take up all the room then have the audacity to poke you in the back.

Kanye West

What a cocky shit. He just makes himself look like a fool.

STOP STORMING STAGES.

What a buffoon with no manners.

Sprained Wrist

Cos I am thick, I left my laptop on the floor.
I then proceeded to trip over it and fell on my left wrist. God bless Diana, she didn't lmao, like I would have and did.
NOW I HAVE SPRAINED MY LEFT WRIST. WHAT A DUMBASS I AM TO DO THAT IN THE COUNTRY THATS HATES THE NHS.

Rankin Live

So got my shot done. Rankin is such a sweet, genuinely nice guy. Although the intern he was bawling out probs didn't think so.

First lot of pictures were absolutely shit, Rankin told me to cheer up and told me I looked like a 15 year old after he asked how old I was. But his crew told me it's the highest compliment he could give. Cheers. Almost bawled when someone said I looked like Cassie. *shudders*

Bit of lippy helps all confidence issues. Rankin picked this one, because he said I have a pure look and a very pretty face. What a sweetheart.

Robert Pattinson

Poor guy. I bet he wished he just stuck to independant films and stayed poor and unknown, but retained his dignity.

No wonder he's so twitchy. Can you say stalker?

Didn't think I should rub salt in the wound by putting a sparkly picture up.

Jewish Rooms

So I'm staying with my mate Diana in Columbia, she is my New York BFF. Like totally.

In dorms, they have codes to get into their flats/swipe cards. Pretty standard.

But there is a phenomenon called JEWISH ROOMS. This is where you need a key. A card key.

That is because Orthodox Jews are not allowed to use electronics on Sabbath. Because it counts as work. No computers, dishwashers, calculators. You get the drift.

So they can't get in their rooms with their swipe cards. They need card keys. Which means Diana has to walk to Hartley to get authorised.

Jewish rooms. I will say no more than those two words.

This is a non-Jewish lock.




This is a Jewish lock.

Frat Parties

....are exactly how they are in the movies. Shit. Although this was a freshman party (why was I there I don't know why). They had cookies and pretzels and light beer, aww.

Got invited by a mate at Columbia, so took Shadi and her sis and best mate. They wanted to see a frat party, I was amused.

We stayed there for all of 20 minutes. There was an embarrassing white people dance off. It wasn't even decent, like Channing Tatum, or my mate Nick who's pretty good. It was that bad. Just think of white boys shaking their booty, wiggling their hips and dropping down and kissing the floor.

Americans can't seem to dance at parties, there were very embarrassing grinding going on, but more like swaying side to side and making a sandwich.

But you have to admire their tenacity, they have more game than British guys. Which isn't saying much.

So glad we don't have the Greek system here.

New York

Heading back to my somewhat other motherland for a fortnight. Sporadic updates, or possibly more. Depends really.

SO tired. Need break. Also need to finish packing. Argh.

Wasp Stings

I ain't never tried to hurt a wasp in my life. I don't run away from them, let them roam around on me, and do nothing.

Today a wasp stung me on my arm. It hurts. A lot. So I killed it.

Motherfucker. No more sympathy from me.

Definitive Articles II

How many times can different fuckers see their own death? Is America riddled with Mystic Meg's or some shit? How comes they can see their own death and prevent themselves going up in a fiery conflagration - but cannot see or prevent their friend's deaths in fiery conflagration after they SAVED their lives?

They should do themselves a favour, and just jump off a cliff.

Definitive Articles

The addition or subtraction of 'The' from the film title does not maketh a new film. And adding 3D does not maketh it an enjoyable cinematic experience.

Wikipedia says: A sequel is in development. Paul Walker said, "I’ve spoken with executives at Universal at this point and they’re pretty serious about it." and suggested it might be set in either Australia or Brazil. Vin Diesel stated that he wanted to shoot the fourth and fifth movies together.

*headdesk*

Bicycle Race

Has to be one of the greatest songs in the world.

I really want a bike with a basket at the front. And the ability to ride a bike. :(

Webcam Photos

Yizzurd.

Thought I'd make a searing commentary on profile photos, this applies to girls mainly but also boys, you're the culprits here too. Just because you took a grainy shot on your free webcam from Natwest when you opened an 11-17 account (I had one, it was shit) does not make it a natural shot. You know what I'm talking about - those people on your friends list (or may even be you) who have their profile pictures taken by a webcam. Nothing wrong with that, I even have one, but mine however, is me dressed up as Frank. If you don't know who Frank is, this is him.

I probably am the wrong Frank to talk to, if you've taken some e's that were a bit naughty.

Some people know that everyone knows that they're posing for the camera to get a nice profile shot. Good on ya, each to their own. I've never seen any particularly great webcam shots, but their grainy quality and subdued tones has it own sort of whimsy.

The shots I love however are the ones which are usually accompanied by the caption. '~**JuSt mE hAnGiNg oUt iN mAh rOom**~' (translation: that says 'Just me, hanging out in mah room'). You know just shooting the breeze with a full face of make up on, hair artfully tousled and their Sunday best. And the poses! And the captions!

I've noticed that guys who aren't very aesthetically appealing usually tend to munch on steroids and Nurishment (not a typo) and spend all day pumping iron. They then take pictures of their arms, or torso, usually cutting out the face. Although most of them are usually taken on phones, in the mirror, some are on webcam. But I've never been much into guys with no heads. And usually it is them, just 'hanging' out and thinking 'HEY, I'm buff (body not face). Let's take a photo'. Comments following on from other's praises usually stem from 'I don't work out that much, it's all natural' to 'BRUUUUUUUUUUV, I pumped 50kg the other day, what you on still 35kg?'

There is a webcam pose for every occasion. In honour of webcam poses, I have decided to take a few, of me just 'chillinz' in my room.

This is me, just about to have a nap.


This is me after I forgot to take the rubbish out.


This is me after I ate a cheese sandwich, wipe away those crumbs!


This is me, trying to remember if I left the oven on.


This is me, whistling 'Tiny Dancer'.


This is me, respiring.


Shit, I did leave the oven on, there's going to be some baked-on grease tonight!

**NOTE**:My webcam is built into my laptop, so the quality is oh so slightly better.

Elton John

Say what you like about the man, but he has some amazing tunes. And I used to fancy David Furnish, he's kinda hot.

*holds lighter up*

Atrocious Readings

Just say neigh. Oh wait that's ket. Just say NAY.

My eyeballs were appalled that Waterstones even carry this rubbish. I always thought of Waterstones as a somewhat classy establishment. I guess I was wrong.

You Wot??

This is what capitalism breeds.

Movie Kisses II

2. Clueless
Ok so Cher hooks up with her ex stepbrother which is just about bordering on incest, but if my ex-stepbrother was Paul Rudd pre. Judd Apatow, I'd probably have something in common with the folk of Alabama. The best kiss is at the end after Cher catches the bouquet. Why? Because he slips a bit of cheeky tongue in there, and also plays with her hair. That's how you can tell on-screen couples are so getting nookie off screen. No-one plays it that well unless you're Brando.

"Yo Cher, ever since you were twelve, I've wanted to touch your golden locks and do this. *SNOG*

Movie Kisses I

I may like cultured shit, but I also like films with Hilary Duff in them. I can't help it, I can't always be monotone and drab. Sometimes all I want is know everything will be ok. And if not, at least there's sex before they die. Because otherwise that would majorly suck.

1. Wanted
This film was utter confusing BS (bullets don't curve, you're messing with phish-sticks there), but this scene was so sweet, I made George rewind it several times. His smile at 0.35 seconds almost makes up for the 2 hour waste of my life this was. And made me feel better about all the crap he goes through in the film. Because if Angelina Jolie pulls you, all is well with the world. Except maybe if you're Jennifer Aniston.

'Gentlemen don't prefer blondes, suck on that betch!'

Oxygen Pirate

...is probably the worst insult you could ever say to someone. No not a four-letter word. Calling someone an OP means that you don't think that they deserve to breathe, they're just hijacking other's oxygen needed for aerobic and anaerobic respiration. (I did A-Level Biology, I got science skills). It's even worse than being called a waste of space. Because at least you think they should still be allowed to breathe and exist.

Many people are oxygen pirates. I haven't called anyone that in a while. But I can think of a few examples.

"The Absence"

I speak to you over cities
I speak to you over plains

My mouth is against your ear

The two sides of the walls face
my voice which acknowledges you.

I speak to you of eternity.

O cities memories of cities
cities draped with our desires
cities early and late
cities strong cities intimate
stripped of all their makers
their thinkers their phantoms

Landscape ruled by emerald
live living ever-living
the wheat of the sky on our earth
nourishes my voice I dream and cry
I laugh and dream between the flames
between the clusters of sunlight
>
And over my body your body extends
the layer of its clear mirror.

- Paul Eluard

Yes I read poetry - I GOT CULTURE and wot. Paul Eluard is French, but I've put the English translation up. However in French, it sounds so hot.

No-one has ever got my love for French poetry, gah.

Advertising Fail II

Big Brother contestants also choose to twat around on TV and sell their life stories to The Sun. I could write more, but I'm just disgusted.

Spelling Mistakes

VBS travels to Columbia to investigate scopolamine, the world's most heinous drug http://twi.la/3htcn
about 9 hours ago from twhirl

@viceuk you spelt it wrong, colOmbia not colUmbia, that's the university and outdoor clothing company.
about 8 hours ago from TwitterBerry

Excuse my hasty spelling error. The country is indeed "ColOmbia".
about 4 hours ago from twhirl

No need to be a penis about it. You're the one who can't spell.

Inappropiate Attire

YO BABY.

So I was out making comments today. As you do. And it just got me a-thinking about inappropiate attire.

When we get a minute of sun, or even it just doesn't rain, all white people take all their clothes off. I think that Boots advert summed it up quite well, no rain = flip flops! Then it rains, and then you slip and slide all the way onto the tube, which full of wet people, does not smell very nice. Or ever.

I can't find the advert, but if you I will give you a prize. I will write a short story about you and Pamela Anderson. Link it.

When it snowed, it was like God dropped his stash everywhere. I wore long johns. I was warm. I walked down the road to jump on the Northern Line BECAUSE IT WAS RUNNING AND MY SISTER LIVES IN ANGEL, AND SHE HAD FOOD.

While I was walking I saw three white boys, walking in the snow, wearing chequered hoodies, skinny jeans and plimsolls. And then one slipped and fell off the kerb. It wasn't nice of me, but I laughed like Eddie the hyena.

The moral of the story, even if you are a trendy person, you should own a pair of boots. AND A COAT.

Ex-Boyfriend's

Unrequited Love

Endlessly pursuing the girl of your dreams who you're hugely in love with and would do anything to be with, but who you know doesn't feel the same? That's a cunt. A REAL big one. Unrequited love makes you feel, look and act like a cunt. And makes you want to call her one too, even. It's almost enough to make you give up on cunt and become a monk. Almost.

I just found this, bit of a trip down memory lane eh? An ex-boyfriend wrote this about me on MSN Spaces, remember MSN spaces? God I hate Windows Live. This was before we went out back in 2005, when I was 18. Charming isn't it. You know he wasn't too bad, apart from smelling like that cheap chemist cologne you get (Girogo Amarni for Men!), the halitosis, inability to kiss, and him wanting to get me involved in scamming old men. Yeah he was nice.

I miss him.

**NOTE**: If you didn't get the sarcasm implied in this post, I suggest you click here.

And also if you think I'm being a spiteful betch, it sounds childish but I didn't start it. You should ask about his slurs on the internet about my weight.

Dizzee Rascal

"Don't watch my passport photo/I know I look loco." (2009)

*headdesk*

Veiled Insults

When someone describes you as 'interesting' that's just insulting. Interesting is what you say about someone or something WHEN YOU HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO SAY.

Interesting + another comment - that's ok.
Just interesting = not fine.

Washing Up

White people have their own specific way of washing up, linked to the hue of their skin. I have never seen a non-white person do this. To their crockery.

What I've noticed, is that everyone else, puts detergent on a scourer, scrubs the offending dish or pan, and rinses it, and puts it in a draining rack to drip dry. Or dries with a tea towel, but rarely. That's only if there's not enough space on the draining board.

White people fill up the sink with soapy water, put the dishes in, splash a bit of water around AND THEN DRY THE DISH WITH A TEA TOWEL. WHY DO THEY DO THAT?

So unhygienic. When I was a waitress they did that to the dishes. With dirty water. And they served up lobster dinners.

And it is verifiable fact. Why? Because a ginger told me.

Tamlyn:"I'm not that typically white, I don't want babies for one. And I drip dry my dishes."

I rest my case.

Domestic Violence

Is not funny. At all. Especially the image below.

Laptop DJs

When I realised 99% of all DJ's don't scratch LPs by hand rather than on a MacBook Pro, I was sorely disappointed. It just doesn't seem real. Or right. And that means anyone can be a DJ. So instead of being a cool motherfucker, you're just a motherfucker with iTunes on party shuffle.

And here's one I made earlier.

Royal Holloway

Full of hot bitches and poofs since 1965.

White People

Jemaine Clement: "He doesn't mean racist, he means you're being xenophobic." Flight of the Conchords Season One, Episode 7, 'Drive-By'

That is true, I am a bit scared of them.
I been asked by one person to explain how I came out with this concept of making my points in two words, so that merits a post.
I notice lots of things, most of them what other people don't notice. I've been called sharp on a number of occasions, as in I never miss a beat. (WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR TEA, I WANT CRISPS)

SO I've noticed, over the years there are many things specific to white people. As in, only white people do it. It is mostly unheard of or never heard of it, for other people to do those kinds of things.

So it stemmed from that. I would be out with a friend, or my mother and something would go on around us or I would read something, or someone would pass a comment on it. My response would always be:

"Two words. White people"

And that is how it began.

Orange Wednesdays

Before some smart aleck points out that this entry title is not referring to two words I would like to add that 'THE' is a definitive article, used to specify or empathise a noun. Suck on that.

Everyone's watched the best part of a tenner slip down the drain. I am referring to, a bad movie.

I unfortunately was exposed to one so poor in quality, but thankfully quantity as it was only 90 minutes (I crossed myself when I knew it was over, and I'm not even a Christian).

I am appalled, dismayed, disgusted and many other words in that vernacular and beginning with 'D' about this shameful excuse for entertainment that dared to assault my eyes and ears this evening.

It is crass beyond compare. If you read my blog, I do tend to use foul language. I have toned myself down, online and in person, because as my French teacher told me when I was 15, I was extremely unladylike. And also because I'm not 15, and I'm not fat, angry with a monobrow anymore. I quote vaguely from the film, I kid you not:

Gerard Butler's character (I paid that much attention to it):"Eat the hot dog slowly, guys like to see women eating penis-shaped food."

Who writes this shit? A 48 year old obese inbred Alabama native with a lazy eye, gout in his right foot and an atrophied testicle?

I was covering my ears because although I enjoy the sex and bad words in films, it's only it's its necessary or integral to whatever vague storyline the film's running. For example, Halle Berry's breasts in Swordfish, IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH ANYTHING. And yeah it was literally that exciting, as the image, except her nipples are not in it. And I don't want to link to Halle Berry's nipples to my blog, thanks.

OMG SPOILER WARNING. Ok whatever, basically Butler's dude is some over-sexed charming lothario who thinks all men think with their peckers and love doesn't exist (yawn), Heigl, who is a class A bitch, I thought I'd just throw in, is the neurotic, control freak woman whose biological clock is TICKING DOWN TO ITS DOOM. How incredibly fucking cliche.

Turns out Butler's a chauvunistic cunt because he got dicked over by several women (BOO HOO) and thinks all women are out to get him and Heigl is 'taught' to suppress all her natural urges to get the guy. Oh guess what, they fall in LURVE. How? I have no idea. This just gives some girls false hope, 'ALL THEY NEED IS THE LOVE OF A GOOD WOMAN TO CHANGE.'

NO

That is it. There's a lot of (unnecessary) swearing, really crude and crass sexual references including but not limited to phallic objects and bean-flicking. There is a scene where a kid gets hold of her vibrator remote and makes her come at the dinner table. At a corporate dinner. That has gone onto so many levels of wrong, my head was running through Bible verses, Quran su'rahs and excerpts from Dianetics.

There is no storyline, men are whores, women are desperate yada yada yada. That is the ugly truth.

NO HOLLYWOOD, THAT IS A STEREOTYPE. I don't have a penis, but I was quite offended by how men were painted. Like sex-crazed neanderthals, neanderthals they may be, sex-crazed I hope not. By sex-crazed I mean rapist tendencies, which there is a very (unfunny) reference to in the film.

Entertainment has sunk so low. Oscar Wilde, your raging homosexuality is all forgiven. I never had a problem with it, but that is why all your creative impulses were suppressed.

Oh and Orange Wednesdays are great, best reason to have an extra Orange sim lurking around. They also sort you out with dinner as well. Win

Princess Peach

What a snivelling little boil on my backside cuntbag. Every single Mario game she's off getting kidnapped by Bowser. Signor Mario, wake up and smell the cafe au lait. She's not being kidnapped, she's Bowser's concubine. And you battle the odds and run yourself ragged for a girl who doesn't even let you in her pants.

Who's probably busy shagging every other Tom, Dick and Harry video game character. Every wonder why the Boo's have such big grins - it's because she probably fellated some paranormal penis.

What is she teaching young girls nowadays? Scream and a Silvio Berlusconi look-a-like in red dungarees will come save you. Wait, isn't she meant to be 14??

Princess Peach is a cunt. I hate having to save her, then she cunts off with that Toad and flies around picking flowers or whatever the fuck she does. Score one for feminism Peach. And she's so ungrateful. BARE UNGRATEFUL

And leave poor Mario to do his job, he's a plumber you know. Apparently.

"OH NOEZ, the princess is in another castle." - FAIL.

This post is a response to Mr Charlton Brooker

Kristen Stewart

When she's not playing Bellend, she's kinda hot.

New Scientist

Shame on you.

Why vampires would have a population problem

Vladimir Putin

His physique puts Obama to shame, for shame.

Here's something I made earlier...

Stephanie Meyer

I would LOVE a hit of that crack she's was smoking when she was writing that led her to come up with this.

"THIS IS THA SKIN OF A KILLAH BELLEND!!!111"

No wonder no-one takes him seriously.

If the sparklez turn you on, and you can't get over that your boyfriend doesn't glitter like a stripper's panties then click here to fix that.

Also I'm glad to see rPatz has been working out, if they had to draw his six-pack on again... very badly they did I must add.

Crunchy Couture

Brogues £5 New Look sale

Gold Spray Paint £1.47 Wilko

Tape $1 Kings Hwy $ Emporium

Having a pair of shoes that even the trendies don't have?

PRICELESS

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's a person with too much time on their hands and a can of spray paint.

Earth Song

WHOA. A seal gets clubbed in the video?? How did I never notice that before??

Socialised Medicine

This says it's all. Fucking stupid Americans.

Click the image dammit.

Rankin Live

Went to Rankin Live at the Truman Brewery. Highly enjoyable. Well worth the £7 I paid (concession and WOT). Complete retrospective of his works, and also his project for Oxfam, Rankin Live.

Although being there made me feel bad and sad about myself. Why? Because I know I'm only 22, I have no discernable skill. I don't want to be a mediocre person, but I am. This is not 'Feel sorry for me and tell me I'm great' - this is a genuine issue of mine. I have no money., no job, yes I know, there's a recession on, all graduates are in the same position as me blah blah blah. Well, most graduates I know, well all actually, did not fail their degree like I. As in not even 40%. No, you can't judge your self-worth by academic merit, but that's all I was ever good at. So now I don't have anything to offer.

Sorry, I didn't mean this to be a self-deceprating post. Rankin Live is well worth going to see, even if you don't consider yourself a huge photography fan. Proceeds go to Oxfam.

Well myself and Laura attempted to be cool, Laura is always cool, I'm just weird. There was a photobooth where you could take photos and pin them on the wall. So we did. We kept 2 out of 8. But er... didn't realise when the camera was about to start snapping.

Advertising Fail

Jesus says that he has lots of spare rooms in his gaff and if you wanna stay over, there's plenty room, and he'll probably make you eggs in the morning. As opposed to Defoe, who will probably cut your heart out with a spoon and force feed it to you, and won't probably even bother sauteeing it with mushrooms.

Quantum of Solace

Worth watching just for this scene.

Vampires, YAY!

Who could not be aware of the surfeit of literature and media on vampires, choking the riverbed of our minds with their fetid obsessive...

Sorry. Thought I was Anne Rice for a second.

I was going to write a short piece on this, with bullet points (I love them).
But I realised that one post would not do this topic JUSTICE. And vampires demand JUSTICE. And also the ability to read people's minds. Or vice versa. If they can't do it, then they tend to get a bit cranky and snort a lot in Biology class.

So welcome to my vampire novella.

Pointy Shoes

Worn when a man (I use that term lightly) needs to make a good impression.
But it should only be worn by and with people under 24. Otherwise you resemble the Child Catcher in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. And no-one wants to resemble a thinly veiled paedophile with atrophied testicles and sadistic leanings.



=



Never a good look.

Ed Hardy

Makes everyone look like a douchebag. (Sorry Zac)

La Roux

I meant to write this a while ago. But I forgot. It's written on an index card of things to write about in my room. But onwards I say.

Well. I appreciate if you're a musical artiste, it should be for you 'all about the music' - which is unfortunately a massive joke, because THE WORLD DON'T WORK LIKE THAT. Do you think Girls Aloud would have sold so many records if they were ok looking, with a dash of mascara, with their videos comprised of them sitting on stools with some in-time thigh slapping? No. The image is what sells. Commercially, unfortunately, it is less about the music. Anyone who wants to become a top successful recording artiste should be aware of that. Not saying that that is WHAT IT IS ALL ABOUT. But it's part of the whole package. And I quite like Girls Aloud, their catchy rhythms and nonsense lyrics bring a smile to my face.

La Roux aka Elly Jackson is a bit of a tosspot. So she's cool and edgy. She looks like a boy. She has hair, that sticks up like Edward Cullen's after it's been electrocuted (I wish my hair could do that). She's all about the music. Whatever, lying git.

She did an interview for Quietus magazine, which was duly noted in the Guardian music blogs (OPINION IS FREE DONTCHA KNOW). I would quote her, but I don't really want to. So in brief, she states that:


"There's far more ways to be sexy than to dress in a miniskirt and a tank top … I think you attract a certain kind of man by dressing like that. Women wonder why they get beaten up, or have relationships with arsehole men. Because you attracted one, you twat."

Oh. Whoops. Guess I just quoted.
Charming Elly, very charming. She also says in the london paper (yes all lowercase, because they are DEFYING CONVENTION) that she's all about the music, alas I can't find the direct link but she stated that she's all about the music, 24/7 music, and if she could make music 365 days a year she'd be happy. You have to admire that kind of passion, and also want to flick her on her forehead for being such a numbnut. She needs to get some publicity training stat. Making comments like that, you're just asking to get ripped into. Why? Because people will comment on your look, on your videos, regardless of what input you had into them. YOU ARE BEING A SILLY BILLY.

Back to the 'short skirts' comments. Being a git, I am going to generalise what she said. She may not have meant it about all women who get battered by their partners, but being my pedantic self, I will take it how she said it.

I'd like to highlight the case of Kiranjit Ahluwalia, you may remember this (meaning you won't remember this) which was made into a movie called 'PROVOKED!' (ok there's no ! mark, but the title is just....fail), where Aishwariya Rai (someone who wears short skirts in her films eh La Roux? Is she asking to be battered?) plays Ahluwalia, which is SOOOOO a stupid casting choice, just because Rai seems to be the *only* Bollywood star most of Middle England has heard of, you don't give her EVERY ASIAN ROLE (or ethnic, delete as appropiate). Beauty queen playing average housewife? NO.

ANYWAY, in a nutshell, Kiranjit Ahluwalia was verbally, physically and sexually abused by her husband for 10 years. Her case is especially famous because of the media attention it generated. One night, when she had gone to sleep after cooking Deepak's dinner, he woke her up and demanded money. When she refused, he tried to break her ankles by twisting them. He then picked up a hot iron and held it to her face. Eventually Deepak fell asleep and Ahluwalia was consumed with the rage she had suppressed for 10 years. Approaching him with a can of petrol, she poured it over Deepak's feet and set them alight. "I couldn't see an end to the violence," she says now. "I decided to show him how much it hurt. At times I had tried to run away, but he would catch me and beat me even harder. I decided to burn his feet so he couldn't run after me." (Thanks Guardian).

Ahluwahlia was sentenced for murder, but had her sentence reduced in 1992, on the grounds of diminished responsibility, termed the 'slow burn effect' - she just cracked. And who wouldn't? Ahluwalia arrived in Britain in 1979 from India, aged 24, following an arranged marriage. She spoke little English when she moved in with her husband Deepak's family in London, where Deepak immediately began to abuse her. Thankfully to the Southall Black Sisters, a non-profit organisation based in formed in response in April 1979 during the Southall race riots, which occurred on the 23rd April 1979. The Black sisters were established in order to defend the human rights of Black and Asian women who are the victims of domestic violence or perceived injustices in the legal system. (Safe Wikipedia)

10 years. Of constant abuse. She had two sons, who were witness to this abuse. She came to the UK for a new life and family. What did she do to deserve any of it - NONE OF IT.
"I did not want to say anything and spoil my family's excitement,"

Women's Aid states that 1 in 4 women will be a victim of domestic violence in their lifetime – many of these on a number of occasions. One incident of domestic violence is reported to the police every minute. On average, 2 women a week are killed by a current or former male partner. One misleading statistic, which is often repeated, is that - while one in four women experience domestic violence - so do one in six men. These figures are, however, based on single incidents, of a criminal nature, and without regard to:

* severity of violence
* whether or not it was repeated - and if so, how often
* the complex pattern of overlapping abuse of various kinds
* the context in which it took place.

They also exclude sexual assaults - which are overwhelmingly perpetrated against women, by men - many of whom are partners or former partners of the victims. Finally, emotional abuse - which is often not regarded as a crime, but which survivors often find even more destructive - is excluded from these statistics.

Was she or any of the nameless women that heartbreakingly make up these statistics, asking for it? Do you think when Kiranjit, when she got married, thought all that would happen to her?
NO YOU IDIOT, SO THINK BEFORE YOU STUFF YOUR FEET AND LEGS SO FAR INTO YOUR MOUTH THAT YOU'RE MUNCHING ON YOUR LADYBUSH.

And also you backwards grazing nincompoop of epic proportions, if you do your research, or if you paid attention in class, you would know that miniskirts, epitomised by Twiggy, are a symbol of revolution. Generations of females before fought for their right to have rights in a patriachal world. Yes, unfortunately there are downsides to wearing miniskirts as to be objectified by men, but it's not just the miniskirt. We live in a society where sex is everywhere. The age of puberty gets younger and younger, children are becoming sexualised more earlier. Take the especially cuntish example of Bratz dollz (IRONY), whose bright idea was to give them come-hither eyes and DS lips???

I could write a bit more, but I'm a tad sleepy. But all in all, La Roux, you are a twat. And people made fun of me the way I dressed and looked when I was younger (and now) but now everyone wants to dress like me. Go figure. Be more confident in yourself and don't hit out just because girls like that merked your life back in the day. LOOK ATCHU NOW, you got a song remixed by Skream, and posters on the tube with your KARAZEE HAIR.

Just think before you open that mouth next, twit. Unless you're about to belt out 'In For The Kill' - by all means GO FOR IT

You've just set feminism back say ooh 100 years? THINK ABOUT THAT LA ROUX.

Read the original article from Quietus with Elly Jackson here

Interview with Kiranjit Ahluhwalia in 2007 on the release of Provoked.

La Roux: Why Women get beaten up

Vagina Monologue- ing

I'm not entirely sure what to say.

Alan Johnson

What a twit.

Third Wheels

Sup.

I hate being a third wheel. Once I was made to be a third wheel on my own date.. no lie. That wasn't fun, in the slighest. My date legged it with his mate and avoided me, for the rest of the night (this was at my graduation ball), and then asked if I wanted to join him. I politely declined.

I always seem to be Mr Third Wheel (yes I know I'm a lady), a lot of my friends, quite a few of my CLOSE friends are attached. And in long-term, one hopes so stable (I'm not going to comment on the stability of their romantic liasons), and most seem to be long distance. Bitter, me, never.

ANYWAY.

So my friends, lovely and dandy, some are friends who have got boyfs/girlfs and their partner has befriended me, some are both friends of mine who got together via myself, or just both two people I know.

Perhaps I should be flattered that my friends enjoy my company so much that they invite me on their dates. But it's seems to be EVERYONE.

'But we want to spend time with you!' - you are a SEPERATE entity on your own you know. I do not wish to be:

a. Stuck in a club with a couple who haven't seen each other for a while and can't keep their paws off each other.
b. Dinner with a couple who are indulging in footsie (and unfortunately my limbs getting entangled, because I have ski-like feet)
c. A buffer, or chaperone (THE MOST COMMON)

Honestly, I feel like I'm a mother to all this horny goslings, they have all imprinted on me (Lorenz, not Stephanie Meyer's wank interpretation).

Listen. I am honestly, truly, flattered that you are both comfortable enough around me to tongue-wrestle and display your fillings to the world. I feel blessed that I am liked enough by both of you to want me there bathing in the light of your rose-tinted glow, or even one of you likes me enough that they want to kill two birds with one stone, meaning myself as a friend (the poor relation) and the luvvah.

But please do not invite me on dates with you and your missus/mister. If you want to hang out then that is FINE. But couples who are attached at the hip and invite me out is just odd.
Because I will decline, because frankly, there's only how long you can dance by yourself and avert your eyes. And I am not there to soothe fractious relations.

If you do, you should only invite someone along for me to talk to. It is only polite. But not because I seem to be your last single friend.

This was not intended at anyone in particular...except the people who it is obviously about.

Why hello!

Hello!

This is Two Words. Two words stemmed out of the concept that I tend to make points in two words. Short, snappy and to the point.

Or more of this is another excuse to try spread my rancid babble to the world.. but if you do come across this blog, one hopes you will find it amusing enough..

I'm sure I'll have more to write about myself... later.

Cheerio!