Friendly Fires

Best White Boy Dancing EVER.

Inappropiate Attire

YO BABY.

So I was out making comments today. As you do. And it just got me a-thinking about inappropiate attire.

When we get a minute of sun, or even it just doesn't rain, all white people take all their clothes off. I think that Boots advert summed it up quite well, no rain = flip flops! Then it rains, and then you slip and slide all the way onto the tube, which full of wet people, does not smell very nice. Or ever.

I can't find the advert, but if you I will give you a prize. I will write a short story about you and Pamela Anderson. Link it.

When it snowed, it was like God dropped his stash everywhere. I wore long johns. I was warm. I walked down the road to jump on the Northern Line BECAUSE IT WAS RUNNING AND MY SISTER LIVES IN ANGEL, AND SHE HAD FOOD.

While I was walking I saw three white boys, walking in the snow, wearing chequered hoodies, skinny jeans and plimsolls. And then one slipped and fell off the kerb. It wasn't nice of me, but I laughed like Eddie the hyena.

The moral of the story, even if you are a trendy person, you should own a pair of boots. AND A COAT.

Washing Up

White people have their own specific way of washing up, linked to the hue of their skin. I have never seen a non-white person do this. To their crockery.

What I've noticed, is that everyone else, puts detergent on a scourer, scrubs the offending dish or pan, and rinses it, and puts it in a draining rack to drip dry. Or dries with a tea towel, but rarely. That's only if there's not enough space on the draining board.

White people fill up the sink with soapy water, put the dishes in, splash a bit of water around AND THEN DRY THE DISH WITH A TEA TOWEL. WHY DO THEY DO THAT?

So unhygienic. When I was a waitress they did that to the dishes. With dirty water. And they served up lobster dinners.

And it is verifiable fact. Why? Because a ginger told me.

Tamlyn:"I'm not that typically white, I don't want babies for one. And I drip dry my dishes."

I rest my case.

White People

Jemaine Clement: "He doesn't mean racist, he means you're being xenophobic." Flight of the Conchords Season One, Episode 7, 'Drive-By'

That is true, I am a bit scared of them.
I been asked by one person to explain how I came out with this concept of making my points in two words, so that merits a post.
I notice lots of things, most of them what other people don't notice. I've been called sharp on a number of occasions, as in I never miss a beat. (WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR TEA, I WANT CRISPS)

SO I've noticed, over the years there are many things specific to white people. As in, only white people do it. It is mostly unheard of or never heard of it, for other people to do those kinds of things.

So it stemmed from that. I would be out with a friend, or my mother and something would go on around us or I would read something, or someone would pass a comment on it. My response would always be:

"Two words. White people"

And that is how it began.