Ticket Touts

Once I had a whole bunch of Kylie tickets. I stuck them on eBay. I put no reserve on them, no ridiculous starting price (it started at 99p) and the postage and packaging was reasonable to cover my envelope, tape and Special Delivery costs.

Yeah I made a profit, but not through asking for a stupid 200% inflated price. Does that make it better? Well, I gave people the chance to offer their price for it. I posted the face value, and let the consumers bid as they will.

I fucking hate shitting ticket touts. They make me want to stick their nipples in my blunt pencil sharpener and jump on their backs. And I'm heavy. I may not look it, but I'm packing meat.

I didn't get tickets for Flight of the Conchords first time around, then when they announced an extra date at Wembley, I was ecstatic. I didn't manage to get tickets then, since they sold out within 2 minutes on Ticketmaster. Yet people had already posted them up on eBay for 600% mark-up.

Is it fair? Not at all. Especially when you really love an artist, and you'd do anything to see them. I have a friend who paid through the nose to see Lady GaGa, and the price they paid was ridiculous. For one ticket.

Gumtree is full of more fuckers who are tryna make more of a quick buck, some guy offered me a FoTC ticket - ONE TICKET - for £80. The face value is £32. I just wanted to go meet him and slap him upside the head for being such a dick.

You are DICKS. You ruin everything. You make people sad, you get them to overspend their money, and it leaves a bad feeling in the buyer's mouth. You just cunt around buying up all the tickets and then sell them back. Fucking capitalism.

Also London Underground said it fuels your drug habit.

Btw I didn't get a FoTC ticket in the end. I'm either not that rich; and not that foolish. It got me down, but I have their DVD.

There are worse things in the world.